People always talk about coming off of the spiritual high that comes from an awesome week with God. That's exactly how I feel right now. Big Break in Florida was one of the most amazing weeks of my life and it definitely helped me grow in my faith. It was the time of my life and I owe it all to You, God. I felt so much closer to You after that week. But now that I'm back at school, I've come off of that spiritual high. This week especially has been rough on me. I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained.
One of my best friends from home I can no longer call a friend. One thing that friends don't do is betray another. That's just common sense. I can honestly say that I have never been this disappointed in a friend before. I don't know what to think. Should we still try to be friends or cut off ties forever? This is too big for me to handle alone.
There seems to be a correlation between number of messages in your inbox and stress level. Mine is skyrocketing and it is making me wonder if it's at all worth it. Psychology labs are taking over my life as well as intramural games, my newfound leadership on the Events Team, studying for my own classes, helping friends study for their classes, and trying to have a social life. I have so much to do! It is making me physically sick. I don't want to do this anymore.
The I Agree With Charles campaign is winding down and I am so thankful. A lot of people are saying that the campaign is a real success. It can be viewed that way, but I see another viewpoint as well. This campaign only works if the masses of people contribute. As the new Events Team director, it was my job to round up people to hang flyers and chalk the campus. At first I only relied on my team, but only James proved faithful. We only got done half of what we needed to, so Laura and I texted probably 50-60 people combined to help us chalk the campus, but only 1 person came to help us. We split up and it was the scariest feeling...aloneness. People were persecuting me saying "I Don't Agree," "F Charles," "Charles is a Fag," and I was all alone. Where were my fellow Christians? I lost a lot of faith in the world that day...
All of these things just fit into the bigger picture of my life: nothing ever seems to go my way. No matter how hard I try, everything seems to go wrong around me. My family is in the midst of crumbling and I can only watch from afar. I had to write my mom a $500 check so that she and my brothers could buy food. This puts me in a bad position financially. No matter what I do to get ahead I simply cannot! It is frustrating to the point of insanity!
I don't want to deal with this anymore! All I want is for things to work and go my way!
Philippians 2: 5-8 "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross!"
I've been looking at the things that have been going wrong in my life instead of all the positives. I have the best family I could ever ask for here at Salisbury, my grades are good, I have awesome opportunities coming up. I need to start looking at the good things instead of dwelling on the negatives.
God, give me the strength to give myself up for your will. I want to have the perfect life, but that's not what you want for me. You have bigger plans. I love you so much, please let me realize my place in this world and become complacent with it Even if I am in the valley, help me to realize Your grace. Amen.
I know that this weekend I will get out of this rut!
wow, Matt...or Mateo lol.
ReplyDeleteway to get vulnerable!
first, i just want to say you are awesome for this blog. and i appreciate and respect you a lot for being so honest and open, it's hard for anyone. but you're right, you shouldn't handle anything alone ever! :)
everything is truly in God's hands, you know.
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30.
Hang in there, you're trusting the biggest most almighty God, our God. He will never leave you with nothing if you delight in Him.
-When people reject the "I agree with Charles" thing, they're not rejecting you. You are helping God with His work, which He doesn't even need you for but wants you for. Someone wise once told me that God doesn't want to exhaust us, He just wants to be with us. It's like Bring your Child to work day. Keep working Matt, He's proud of us no matter what. :)
-I'm sorry to hear about your friend and whatever happened. Friends get tough. My advice from experience is to just love on them no matter what, and forgive. Even if it's easier to love from afar maybe. Love kills Hate. and forgiveness is what we have to give, we ought to.
-And it sounds like things are really tough right now for your family! I was going to ask you about your family because my family is kind of going through big financial troubles too, we've had to try to sell our house. But it hasn't sold, so it's up in the air. My parents business is crashing and my mom had to sell a car. All of us kids split up now cause we had to try to clear our house, so I had to give away almost evrything or bring it to my small college room. And on top of it all, my grandpa has been sick and he fought cancer 2 years ago, I had to go home and take care of him the weekend before big break and it was one of the toughest weekends of my life!! Even though I don't know exactly why we're going through this. I know it's in God's plan. And He will always give us enough for what we need.
Keep your head up and show others and yourself that you don't need anything more than God. That, like we sing in worship, He is truly all we need. No matter if we're in Florida or at home. I truly mean it when I say you can talk to me about anything anytime.
Sorry if i wrote too much. I wanted to let you know, you're truly not alone!!! Don't let yourself carry your burdens on your own.
I can't wait to see you and just give you a big hug. Stay strong in Him, He knows we're weak and we can't do it alone.
i have a blog too! and i love it, you definitely inspired me to write more, maybe ill blog right now! read mine!!! keep blogging! :) (listen to hillsong united songs- they help all the time! www.pandora.com)
wow. i practically blogged on your blog. lol. sorry
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